At first, these situations would make me feel righteous indignation. I'd be riled up, defending myself and my position and trying so hard to prove where I'm coming from, pulling my hair out because I don't understand why some people can't see things from my perspective. But now, I'm just weary. It's taxing. Cyber bullying makes me feel more bad for the bully than for myself--it makes me sad that someone feels so much offense and anger towards someone/something that doesn't involve them at all. I shudder seeing some of the ghastly things people can bring themselves to say about others. I'm not against disagreements and arguments. I think people have a right to speak, just like I do. But when we can't be civil, when we can't be mindful of others, it's terribly disappointing.
I think people tend to forget I'm a real person behind this computer screen, phone screen, whatever. I go to school, I work, I laugh, I love, I like to sing, I rescue dogs, my favorite candy is Sour Patch Kids, I get a nervous tick sometimes, I have a bad right wrist, sometimes I fight with my parents, I have ghosts of my past, my most-loved pastime is reading in bed--I am not one-dimensional! I'm just like you, I have feelings, I'm not a robot.
This issue isn't just about me. It's so much bigger. We all experience this; even the ones who dish the hurt experience it. When you're mean to someone else, it's a double-edged sword. You're hurting someone and hurting yourself. Negativity shrouds your heart in a cloud of black and it eats away at your soul. Does it make you feel better about yourself to put others down? Do you feel big when you say hateful insults? I hope it's worth it for you. I hope it fills your void instead of deepening it.
You can't get rid of your sadness by lashing out and trying to make others feel sadder in comparison. I read somewhere that the only way to erase sadness is with happiness. The only way to delete negativity from your life is by being positive. I try to follow this as much as I can. Winning the battle doesn't matter to me as much as my peace of mind does.
It's so hard to read hateful comments. They are few and far between, but when they come, they come full force. I can almost hear the author's teeth gnashing. Why does what I do anger you so much? Why does what I look like, what my tattoos are, what I'm doing on Instagram irk you to the point of making a fake account to harass me (paradoxically telling me I should get over myself and that the world doesn't revolve around me, whilst using an account specifically created for me and only me)? Why, why, why?
At first, the comments are a heavy blow, it's inevitable. But then I remember...
They can't tell me who I am.
They do not know me.
They do not know my story.
I hope this message reaches someone out there who is being bullied and needs something to help them stand up again. And I hope this message reaches someone who is bullying.
I can't stop negativity, but I can put a dent in it.